I don't really consider myself a writer but for the sake of this post I will refer to myself as one. Many of you know I have written several plays for my church which I then direct and produce for either Easter or Christmas. Well this Christmas Eve is no different. I have rewritten an older play of mine that we performed for Easter quite a few years ago.

Sunday morning I woke up with a mindful of tasks and things that I needed to remember to accomplish. That afternoon was one of our more important practices and so I was beginning to feel anxious. Then as the day progressed and different things happened my anxiousness started to grow. I actually started feeling panicky at some points. I could blame it on a few things that went wrong that day, some miscommunication, and the fact that I felt we were behind in our preparations but it really was not any of those things.

During second service I was in the office working out a few details and just talking to God about my anxiousness. I realized I was not anxious about the cast or crew. I knew they would do a great job. I was VERY nervous about the play itself. What if it turned out to be a flop? It feels like I am taking my baby and showing it to the world, what if the world hates it? God very clearly asked me, "do you trust me for the outcome?" I began to answer as I always would, "Yes, of course," when it hit me that I didn't. Of course I didn't. If I did I would have no reason to be anxious. But my panic, my anxiousness was a clear sign that I did not trust God to take care of this for me. I realized that I was expecting to fail. This was obviously an item for prayer so I spent the rest of my time in the office praying.

Later I had to go to Pastor Pat and ask for prayer as well because I was really struggling with this. The verse "be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and petition let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" kept running through my head. I knew I needed that. I prayed, confessed my lack of trust and asked God for His help.

God has given me a peace. Tomorrow night is our dress rehearsal and then Christmas Eve is our final production. I do not need to worry about how the world will view my baby, because its not really mine in the first place. God has made it very clear that any writing I do that is any good is only through His strength. I cannot write on my own (thats a good story for another post). I have to trust the fact that He has shown Himself through every detail of this play. I have to trust His heart for the people that will see it. I have to trust that even if it does flop He will take care of me. I have to trust.

This is a statement that people often use when they are feeling down. I have begun to realize something about this statement, it is an excuse not to listen to the comfort God has granted. Think about it, anytime you may have said it, or someone else said it to you, it is after someone else was offering comfort.

Granted nobody truly can get in your skin, think your thoughts, and see things with the exact same perspective that you do, but that doesn't mean that they don't have a clue how you feel.

I started thinking about all the times that I have said this and realized that I use it as an excuse to negate encouragement offered. That is a lie from the enemy. It is taking the iron sharpening iron, the comforting others with the same comforted that you have been comforted with, the encouraging others with Psalms, hymns and Spiritual songs and all the other Scriptures about exhorting each other and saying "nope, its not enough."

Please don't negate that which God possibly intended for your help and encouragement. Even David chose not to silence a man who was slandering him because he said, "if he is sent by God then I have something to learn." How much more should we be with something uplifting? Would you look Christ in the eye and say, "You just don't understand how I feel?" If you did, He would extend His nail scarred hand to you and say, "I know the plans I think towards you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope."

Karen came into the office today with a camera. She said, "Look what I found in one of the church Christmas tree boxes." We pulled it out and a small thought started forming in the back of my mind. I looked at the camera to see if there was anything familiar about it but it was wholly unfamiliar to me. We tried turning it on to look at the pictures but the battery was run down. I was still considering this idea that was seemingly unreal to me. Then Karen pulled out a memory card adapter out of the camera case. My idea seemed a little more realistic. We took the card and the adapter and plugged them into my computer. We were looking at pictures of people from church, scrolling scrolling, then there it was...pictures of my grandmother! My idea was correct.

2 years ago I used some bonus money to purchase a camera for myself. I was so excited and loved using my new digital camera. Around this time we had a big windstorm and the wind tweaked my car door enough that I couldn't open it. For quite a few weeks I was crawling in and out of the passenger's side door. Then one day the horrible happened. I couldn't find my camera. After scouring my house, the church and everywhere else we could think of I could only conclude that in my crawlings in and out of the car I must have dropped it in a parking lot.

I was devastated. Have you ever lost something so valuable and had that horrible sick feeling in your gut? I kept all the batteries and cords and such because I was so sick about it I kept hoping it would turn up. About a month later someone blessed me (anonymously) by giving me another camera. I cried and cried. But I still had that horrible feeling every time I thought about it.

So, you figured it out by now I'm sure, that was my camera. Somehow I dropped it into one of the Christmas boxes two years ago at Christmas and it turns up now!!! Praise God!!!

This is a song that the Lord gave me on Tuesday. This really explains what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving:

I don't deserve Your presence
Yet You desire mine
I don't deserve Your notice
Yet You've seen me throughout time

I don't deserve Your forgiveness
Yet You shed Your blood for me
I don't deserve Your love
Yet You've loved me eternally

Nothing I've done or could ever do
Could make me deserve anything from You
Jesus My Lord and My Savior too
For what I don't deserve, I thank You.

When we were in Alaska I bought a Sourdough starter. I was so excited because I LOVE baking! Well since then I have been researching sourdoughs and starters and all the amazing things you can do. I now have my own starter that I made myself (maybe it will still be around 100 years from now!) and I have the original starter that I made from the batch from Alaska. Plus some in the freezer (you can freeze it! AMAZING). I am waiting for a day when I have time to bake and I will test my latest batch which I think will have a fabulously sour flavor as the yeast is very active.

Sorry, thats all I have to say for now. I need to update about the worship conference (I have pictures) but I'm exhausted right now.

I was interpreting for Juan on Wednesday night and Pastor Pat used the phrase "May the fleas of 1000 camels infest your armpits" Of course everyone was cracking up, including me. I had no idea how to sign it! Juan was looking at me waiting to see what was so funny and I was trying to figure out how to explain fleas!

On a side note Juan is profoundly deaf, he uses no voice at all. It is very rare when you hear a sound coming from him.

Finally I figured out a way to do it. I told him "You know the bugs on a dog that make you scratch? Well 1000 of those from a camel living in your armpit" He instantly put his Bible up to his mouth trying to stop himself from laughing out loud. Even then a small laugh escaped. It was really funny to watch as he tried to be quiet.

Later in the message Pastor Pat was talking about God's care of us being like nursing mothers. I did fine with that. I just said a mom with a baby. But then he started explaining it. How moms eat meat and then give the baby milk. Fine, I signed that mom's eat and it changes to milk for the baby. Then he started explaining the bond that mom's get because the baby is literally attached to them.

You must understand, sign language is all about pictures. You act out stories and explanations.

I looked at Juan and said, "I'm sorry, a guy needs to sign this for you." He laughed again.

I have the honor and blessing of heading to a worship conference in Murietta starting Monday.

For all my family in SoCal, I apologize that I won't get to see you. We are carpooling and the conference begins every day by 7:30 and ends at about 10 each night.

I am so blessed though to be able to go. Things have been very busy here. We have had multiple events happening, sometimes on the same day, so much lately that I had to buy another calendar for the church office. Now we have a 1 year calendar that is the largest I can find (those squares are small even when its several feet by several feet) and a 90 day planner that is normal poster size on the wall. I need them both because the 90 day gives me more room for details while the 1 year allows for more months. Its pretty crazy! So what does this have to do with the worship conference? I am SO looking forward to just doing 1 thing all week! YAY!