I have told God so many times that I would rather be single than to settle and end up in a marriage that wasn't His will. So, why do I then get upset when I remain single and have a wonderful relationship with God? Why can't I be satisfied with that?

I have always been told that if I had the gift of singleness I would not desire to be married. I disagree with that. I don't know if my gift is lifelong but I am praying there is a return policy. Seriously though, I truly don't want to sacrifice my relationship with God or the ministries He has called me to for an earthly marriage.

You see there is this guy that I am interested in. The problem is that he doesn't really fit any of my ideals that I have. He fits my standards but not my ideals. He will have to turn out to be a spiritual superman. But the problem is that I have not had these feelings in years. I have missed this. The dreaming, the catching each other's eyes, the fluttering heart...etc.

I just don't know what God's will is in this. I know that I don't need to worry and just wait but some days I am just so tired of waiting. To top it off I would love to be all dreamy and talk about him and post his pictures and act like a high school girl but I shouldn't. I have to guard my heart.

Okay enough rambling. I truly will be fine, I just have to take those thoughts captive, stop dreaming, and just keep it in prayer.