My last post was regarding my concern for this next week. This morning I got up and read October 30 out of Springs in the Valley (compiled by Mrs. Chas. E. Cowman) and realized that I need not fear tomorrow. I need simply do what God has made clear to me to do (eat properly and take those thoughts captive!!!) but the battle, the emotions, the isolated feeling, that battle is not mine! Here is the devotion I read:

"Not yours, but God's" (2 Chronicles 20:15)
There are times when doing nothing is better than doing something. There are the times when only God can do what is needed. True faith trusts Him then, and Him alone, to do the miracle. Moses and Jehoshaphat knew this secret; they knew the same Lord and the same divine grace.

As the pursuing Egyptians trapped the helpless Israelites at the Red Sea, Moses said: "Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD . . . The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." (Exodus 14:13, 14)

As the Moabites and the Ammonites, a vast multitude, closed in on Judah, King Jehoshaphat said to the helpless people: "Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's. Ye shall not need to fight in this battle: set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the LORD." (2 Chronicles 20:15, 17.)

When God alone can win the victory, faith lets God do it all. It is better to trust than to try. - S. S. Times

Faith Is the Victory that Overcomes
---
The battle is not yours, but God's;
Therefore why fight?
True faith will cease from struggling,
And rest upon His might:
Each conflict into which you come
Was WON on Calvary,
Tis ours to claim what Christ has done,
And "hold" the victory.
- H. E. Jessop.

"Hold thee still." "And this," says St. Jerome "is the hardest precept that is given to man: inasmuch as the most difficult precept of action sinks into nothingness when compared with this command to inaction."

A while back I went through a very difficult time in my life. I was struggling with insecurity. God revealed to me that my insecurity was another form of pride. I would be down and feeling insecure so I would seek someone to build me up. When I started realizing it was pride I began to write down Scriptures that showed me how God views me and read them whenever I was feeling really low. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. I was very alone and cried myself to sleep a lot.

As God helped me overcome I would go through spells when it was worse and when it was better. But at least I knew that it was my emotions and I would cling to Scripture instead of what I was feeling.

I remember praying and asking God if I would always struggle with this. I began stashing journals wherever I could so that when I was feeling really low I would pull one out and write out what I am thankful for. Something good about my day. Nothing negative allowed. Well God had mercy on me.

Recently I found out that I am lactose and soy intolerant. So I changed my diet and started taking an Enzyme that helps me digest the little that I still get in my diet (milk and soy are in EVERYTHING). What I discovered through this was that when I have milk or soy in my diet my emotions get all out of whack! The Enzyme helped a TON with that as well. I found this out because I forgot to take my Enzyme and the next day I was an emotional wreck and I was right back in my insecure place. It happened again yesterday.

I would like to ask for prayer at this point though because I am out of Enzymes as of tomorrow morning. I went today to buy more and the one and only place in town (I tried 4 other stores) that carries it is out until next week. This means that I have to go on a very strict diet and I will have to go through a very emotional week this week. Even though I know the cause it will still be difficult so I am asking for prayer. Specifically that I will not cheat on my diet (its hard because milk and soy give me a "high" so to speak, which is why I crash emotionally afterwards) and that I will not use my diet as an excuse. Just because I know what helps doesn't mean that I can't still control it with God's help. Its still wrong of me to base everything on my emotions, its still prideful for me to seek to be built up by others and not look to God's Word for who I am, its all still sin. So please pray for me this week that I will honor God.

My cousin has recently been posting about a dear friend of hers that is now with Jesus. Reading her posts has caused me to remember some of the times that I have had the honor of taking part in the Celebration of Life services of different families. Some I have known very well and was mourning right along with them, and some I did not know and prayed to be used as a tool of God in their lives as they mourned.

Prior to ministry I had attended 1 funeral in my life. That was it. Just 1. I was terrified of losing someone close to me simply because I had no idea what it would be like. Obviously I do not want to lose anyone close to me now but the thought is no longer a terrifying thought. Now I understand the whole idea that death is a part of life and that we have the hope of heaven.

One thing that I have been pondering a lot lately is the fact that I am beginning to look forward more to doing funerals than weddings. Since I am in full time ministry I have had many opportunities to participate in both weddings and funerals. Weddings are beautiful and amazing and I love them. I love being part of making someone's day what they always dreamed it would be. But they are soon over, they are forgotten, they are not life changing for everyone involved, only for the Bride and Groom and maybe some family members.

Funerals on the other hand have shown me that they can be life changing. I have seen more people change their lives and start living for God after a funeral than after a wedding. I have watched more people learn to be more caring and work on their relationships after a funeral than after a wedding. The honor of being part of the day is the same. Whether its running sound, turning on the lights or simply hugging someone who is hurting, I know that God can use me as His arms to hug His children who are mourning. There is something hugely humbling about being used of God through a death than there is for a wedding.

Don't get me wrong, I still love weddings and I don't wish pain on anyone. But given my choice, I would prefer to be a funeral director rather than a wedding planner. Strange to say but it is true. If you think I'm crazy it may just be you don't understand. But think of it like this...have you ever had a life changing painful time that brought you so close to Jesus. So painful that you would never want to relive it but so intimate with Christ that you never want to forget it?

Its like that.

So what was previously on my top ten experiences of my life has quickly become a norm for me. Tonight was the 3rd time I interpreted for my deaf friend Juan. He has been going to the library and studying ASL and we are communicating now. During service I was able to truly relax and enjoy my time interpreting, I slowed down a lot and didn't feel a rush to sign every word Pastor Pat spoke but was able to convey more of the concept. After service Juan and I were able to talk and visit. I think I will finally be able to start asking some of the questions that have been driving me crazy. For instance, I haven't a clue how long he has been in the states or what brought him here. I don't know what type of Mexican Sign Language he knows (or else I would be studying as well). I am very curious what part of Mexico he is from and what brought him here. And so on.

I forget who it was that said that this is truly the gift of tongues at work. I agree. Please keep praying for miracles. I need fluency and he needs understanding. I truly think he is a Christian because of the joy that just exudes from him. Several people have commented on that. Also, because tonight during our closing song he was worshipping. It was absolutely beautiful to look back and see him with both hands raised and eyes towards heaven just worshipping. Praise God!

Ok, these posts are getting old so I will make this one shorter. This day we went to Skagway where my mom and I were going to take one of the infamous Alaska train rides. We loved it! Afterwards I got my first towel person which was a huge blessing!!!!

Worship practice was getting a slow start because of some sound issues. So, when Chris came up to me at about 6:30 stating that he needs my translating skills I was somewhat taken aback. Chris speaks Spanish fluently so he didn't need me there, all I could think was Sign Langauage. Chris helps oversee the children's ministry so I couldn't help but wonder why Chris had waited until the last minute to have me translate something for the kids. These were my confusing thoughts as we walked out of the sanctuary. Then Chris explained, "theres a guy here that I think needs food but he's deaf so do you think you can talk to him?"

A little more back story here, the last time I signed with a deaf person was about 9 years ago. Since then I have signed with a few hearing friends but that's different because we can always revert to talking when we don't understand each other. I haven't been in a formal classroom in about 10 or 11 years. To top that off, 10 years ago I was not very good. I was ok with classroom sign language but in real life conversations I struggled.

Ok, so needless to say I was slightly nervous but thank God I didn't have much time to think about it. I went up to him and began signing. He was obviously having a hard time understanding. Then he said something and I struggled catching what he was saying. Finally I realized he was telling me he's from Mexico.

Another side note, Sign Lanuage is not universal. I learned American Sign Lanuage which is one of several sign languages in USA. Mexican Sign Language, while similar to ASL, is a different language with different signs and grammar rules.

So, then Chris, who is fluent in Spanish, wrote down ?puedes leer? (can you read) and showed it to him. He said a little. It was crazy. I was signing, he would understand a little, he would sign I would understand a little, Chris would speak and see if he could read lips in Spanish, then write...etc. etc. etc. It was quite confusing.

The miracle however, was the fact that he was sitting through service, I sat near in case he wanted to try and have me translate. Halfway through he asked me to sign and so I did. Remember, my signing skills 10 years ago were average, add 10 years of forgetfulness, a gentleman who signed a different language and the fact that Pastor Pat was teaching on the validity of the Bible and the Tribulation. Not the easiest topics to sign!!! During this time, he was nodding and understanding and repeating back some of the things I was saying. God was performing a miralce!

As soon as service was over...still couldn't understand each other. It was totally amazing!

Please pray for him. I do not know if he knows the Lord, I do not know if I was signing things properly enough for him to understand but I am trusting God for that. Pray that he understood what God wanted him to. Pray that he will be able to find a job and get his feet under him.

Thanks!