•1:09 AM
I don't really consider myself a writer but for the sake of this post I will refer to myself as one. Many of you know I have written several plays for my church which I then direct and produce for either Easter or Christmas. Well this Christmas Eve is no different. I have rewritten an older play of mine that we performed for Easter quite a few years ago.
Sunday morning I woke up with a mindful of tasks and things that I needed to remember to accomplish. That afternoon was one of our more important practices and so I was beginning to feel anxious. Then as the day progressed and different things happened my anxiousness started to grow. I actually started feeling panicky at some points. I could blame it on a few things that went wrong that day, some miscommunication, and the fact that I felt we were behind in our preparations but it really was not any of those things.
During second service I was in the office working out a few details and just talking to God about my anxiousness. I realized I was not anxious about the cast or crew. I knew they would do a great job. I was VERY nervous about the play itself. What if it turned out to be a flop? It feels like I am taking my baby and showing it to the world, what if the world hates it? God very clearly asked me, "do you trust me for the outcome?" I began to answer as I always would, "Yes, of course," when it hit me that I didn't. Of course I didn't. If I did I would have no reason to be anxious. But my panic, my anxiousness was a clear sign that I did not trust God to take care of this for me. I realized that I was expecting to fail. This was obviously an item for prayer so I spent the rest of my time in the office praying.
Later I had to go to Pastor Pat and ask for prayer as well because I was really struggling with this. The verse "be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and petition let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" kept running through my head. I knew I needed that. I prayed, confessed my lack of trust and asked God for His help.
God has given me a peace. Tomorrow night is our dress rehearsal and then Christmas Eve is our final production. I do not need to worry about how the world will view my baby, because its not really mine in the first place. God has made it very clear that any writing I do that is any good is only through His strength. I cannot write on my own (thats a good story for another post). I have to trust the fact that He has shown Himself through every detail of this play. I have to trust His heart for the people that will see it. I have to trust that even if it does flop He will take care of me. I have to trust.
Sunday morning I woke up with a mindful of tasks and things that I needed to remember to accomplish. That afternoon was one of our more important practices and so I was beginning to feel anxious. Then as the day progressed and different things happened my anxiousness started to grow. I actually started feeling panicky at some points. I could blame it on a few things that went wrong that day, some miscommunication, and the fact that I felt we were behind in our preparations but it really was not any of those things.
During second service I was in the office working out a few details and just talking to God about my anxiousness. I realized I was not anxious about the cast or crew. I knew they would do a great job. I was VERY nervous about the play itself. What if it turned out to be a flop? It feels like I am taking my baby and showing it to the world, what if the world hates it? God very clearly asked me, "do you trust me for the outcome?" I began to answer as I always would, "Yes, of course," when it hit me that I didn't. Of course I didn't. If I did I would have no reason to be anxious. But my panic, my anxiousness was a clear sign that I did not trust God to take care of this for me. I realized that I was expecting to fail. This was obviously an item for prayer so I spent the rest of my time in the office praying.
Later I had to go to Pastor Pat and ask for prayer as well because I was really struggling with this. The verse "be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and petition let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" kept running through my head. I knew I needed that. I prayed, confessed my lack of trust and asked God for His help.
God has given me a peace. Tomorrow night is our dress rehearsal and then Christmas Eve is our final production. I do not need to worry about how the world will view my baby, because its not really mine in the first place. God has made it very clear that any writing I do that is any good is only through His strength. I cannot write on my own (thats a good story for another post). I have to trust the fact that He has shown Himself through every detail of this play. I have to trust His heart for the people that will see it. I have to trust that even if it does flop He will take care of me. I have to trust.
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