My cousin recently posted a blog called Tenderness on her site Discovering Nathan (the link is on the right of my blog here).

This made me remember some things from my childhood. My mom became very ill when I was about 8 years old. She got TSS which nearly put her in the hospital. She recovered from that but still was very sick. The doctors could not figure out why she had no energy, horrible headaches and was always feeling so horribly. For 2 or 3 years it was visiting doctor after doctor.

I don't remember all of the details as I was so young but I have talked with my mom about this part since so forgive me for the generalities. The insurance that we were with was the kind where you could switch doctors within a certain group. But you couldn't go out of that group, or something like that. One doctor decided she was crazy and referred her to a psychiatrist. She never went, but now this was on her chart and once any new doctor would see that they would basically just look at her condescendingly and not look for any other reason for her sickness. So for quite some time the doctors were no help to her.

I don't remember what changed, how she found this doctor but I remember the day she got the diagnosis. She came home and said that the doctor found that she had low thyroid. She told us the name of it, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, and I laughed. I thought she was kidding. Turns out she wasn't. When her thyroid tests came back the doctor looked at her and said that her thyroid was so low he didn't know how she was standing up at that point. She smiled weakly and said "well, you go shower and lay down for a half an hour. Then you get up and do your hair and lay down for a half an hour..."

I share all of this actually not regarding my mom but regarding us kids. I have had the reaction of pity and sympathy because we had to go through so much. I remember being surprised when someone asked me at church where my mom was and they would be sad when I told them she was sick. I would think, "you silly, why are you sad? She's always sick." It became the norm of life to do schoolwork by her bedside, to clean the house for her and even to cook a little bit.

I think every parent doesn't want their child to have to go through the hard things in life. I know that my mom, prior to her sickness, would have said that she wouldn't want her kids to grow up with a parent that was sick all the time. I know my cousin would do anything to allow her children the freedom of a normal life (all of her children, autism affects the entire family, not just the child with autism). I know the social struggles, the effort just to live normally is not what she would wish for her precious Nathan.

But I also have the advantage of seeing what has come out of this. My mom and I are very close. Prior to her illness we were all very very very busy. We were one of those activity oriented families, signed up for everything possible and doing everything possible. After her illness we had the advantage of slowing down and actually spending time together. We were a very close family. I was able to develop a relationship with both of my parents because of this illness. I would not wish it away. God has done some amazing things in our family.

I am not trying to compare what we went through to autism. Please don't misunderstand me. No I am trying to compare what God can do. We wish for our kids to have little struggles because we love them and want the best, but when there are struggles, we can trust that God has a greater plan. It will be hard for them, sure. It will be a fight, probably. But in the end perhaps the result will be better than if they never had the struggles.